Thursday, 2 October 2008

A random story.

Hoorah for boredom. Wesley gets his wish. Shirley to go next with me compiling what I deem "the worst artist list". I hope it'll get through.

So let's brainstorm a bit, before we go to full-automatic and write a random story.

Scratch that. He wants a collaboration story (sentence per sentence). So let's work through MSN now.

And done. Here it is. Behold, the collaboration story between me and Wesley.


Prologue
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It was a rather beautiful day, with clear blue skies. The skies were colorful. There were blue, and in some parts.. black? Let me get my spectacles for a moment. I swore, realising that my spectacles were in fact, not spectacles, but a round construct made of wood. That fact was overlooked by me myself for over these ten years wearing them. I think somewhere in this world someone is conspiring to make me blind. It came upon me, however, that I should have noticed this ten years ago. However, I have a reasonable theory that states that I have grown senile and as a consequence, demented after all these ten years, therefore disregarding what great intelligence I have and what great health I used to have. But enough of these blabbers. Through these spectacles of mine, I can see that some parts of the sky are indeed black, and therefore I am fearing that the sky might indeed fall down sooner or later. Most preferably later, but beggars can't be choosers eh?


Something fell from the sky, and it looked like a big box. Cross that, a big jukebox. It came down with a crashing boom, then it started playing some 60s, then 70s, and then 80s. Before long, I was treated to the great decade of punk and grunge and rock, before moving to a brief period of metal and then something caused my death. The music that has been sounding doom for years. The mainstream pop which has gone corrupt, as well as the freaky state of hip-hop and r'n'b. It killed me. Thus I am here. I observe everything on this earth, but I am ethereal. The experience of passing the barrier between life and death is at most, a peculiar one. You feel these tingling sensations, almost like a spider crawling down your nose, and in your mouth, it was as if somebody just fed you tons of melamine-clad milk. Worst of all, I can still hear those big beats of hip-hop and some rappings about "my ho's" and "blings" and "yo homeys, i got yo back in da hood!" That was strange, because the jukebox disappeared. Then I saw what I think was the jukebox: a big, mean-looking black man. No wonder the sound didn't go off.

So I let them all got off my mind, and activated my super-secret supernatural ability that I gained when I became dead and entrapped in this spirit form. No matter though, people can't see me, and there wasn't any in the vicinity to start with. The next moment, I swore my eyes fooled me; I saw, in front of me, a lady in black riding a black horse with black stirrups. I was quizzical. "Is someone in the vicinity dead?" I couldn't find any people here, let alone corpses. "Is she here to take me to hell?" I don't know, I sure as hell don't know why she's wearing black for. I thought in popular beliefs people in hell have red as the color in fashion. "Or, is she just passing by, perchance?" Might be. I wouldn't bet my life on it though (HA! I'm so clever! I don't have my life with me now!)

She approached me, and, almost unexpectedly, sang. The lyrics reverberate in my ears for a long time. It was the most beautiful song I've ever heard. Almost unexpectedly again, she came to an abrupt end, and said to me, "You're a jerk; a complete asshole."

I stared. Literally. No, not on her body parts. I was surprised. Shocked. I mean, I just had the most incomprehensible experience ever. This beautiful lady - overly beautiful, might I add - came up to me and told me I'm an asshole. What am I supposed to reply? "Well, uh, you're an ass!" That wouldn't go right. No, I told myself. Let's compose ourselves here.. Let's breathe in.. and breathe ou- and at that moment she friggin slapped me. In the face. Hard."You're a jerk; a complete asshole," she repeated.

There was a momentary silence, then she burst into laughter, only to stop as quickly as it began. Silence again. "I think I'm your guide to this new world," she said suddenly, "You'll fit in alright." A thousand questions arose in my head, but when her hands took mine, those questions went silent, and we left the area. Literally. Poof. Gone.

Then it's pitch black. I'm guessing this is the place where dead people are directed to as I can hear lots of voices. "HELP?! SOMEONE?!" "TAXES I FORGOT MY TAXES!" They're among the voices I've heard. I did however hear a ridiculous scream, "BLUE ALASKAN SEAMONKEY! GREEN ARCTIC BEANS! MEXICAN BOOMERANG!

I could still feel her hands firm on mine though, pulling me forward, giving me a small sense of security. But that wasn't enough, so I asked, "Where are we now?" For a long time, she didn't answer.

Then she stopped, and said, "Wanna have some Earl Grey? We'll be seeing God soon and it helps if you're not that nervous, you know."

She knew I peed in my pants.

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