self-instrospection and thoughts

Have you ever get the feeling where things are ultimately hopeless? I mean, where something can happen in an impropable situation and then suddenly a few words deter your hopes flat?

It's as if life suddenly decides to be mean and play around with us mere living mortals. Sometimes they get your hopes up and crash them in the worst way possible. Sometimes, however, life gives wonderful entertainment and great times. Other times, life just shits on you.

I know I'm actually lucky enough. I am such an egoistic. I want more. More. More. That being said, of course it's human nature to want more. I hate being egoistical. Sometimes I just wish I can draw a line right here and say: This is where it stops.

However I can't bring myself to that action. I can never bring myself to that. It is such an exciting time, and it is such awesome stuff happening around. I cannot say: no, this is not going anywhere.

Always in my mind a possibility and a dream where the event I've always wondered about happen. If and when I know that the event is going to happen, I'll be joyful. The work done is not futile. It is not meaningless and simply banter. It becomes fruitful.

Another part in my mind always tells me that it is not going to happen. Realistically, the best thing I can hope for: none. Nothing. Zilch. Zero.

It is uneasing that life is such a rollercoaster. You don't know what happens next. It is exciting, makes wonderful entertainment, and makes a hell of a mess at times. This might be one of the times where life makes a total mess- or rather, I make a total mess of one aspect of life.
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Looking at the positive things right now though, I've probably decided and narrowed down my choice of majors. In order of things: Materials engineering, Chemical engineering, and Industrial engineering.

I've decided those major due to the fact that 1. I might be interested in them and most importantly, 2. I will be able to help my dad with those subjects.

Investing money in my education should not prove fruitless. I want (I am presently fearful of using the word "will" or "would") it to pay off. Of course, hearing their sentiments about my education would not help me. Once, I asked: most parents are proud of their kids when they get good grades at school. Why not you?

The answer came as roughly: If you've got good grades, that's great. It is for your sake, anyway, and not like it should affect us. If you've got bad grades, however, we're bloody investing in you and yet you're throwing them away like waste.

So I've come to appreciate why they're indifferent to my good grades and attentive to my bad grades. It also gives me a realization that in the end they want me to succeed. I shall. The next question would come in the form of: why do you want to help your dad, then? Surely you can work for people and be successful?

The answer would come in the form of: to lessen the work of my dad and to ensure that he has a heir to continue his work. It would be unnerving and unsettling to lead a company without an apparent heir to leave it to.
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In other events, I now take story requests. Please give your inputs and ideas of what a story should be based on. No preferences as of now. I won't, however, take ideas of sexual and explicit matters. That should be clear enough.