Prolonged depression

This has gone since about Friday. Most of the time..

EVERYTHING. IS. GOING. WRONG.

I'm not even sure what to say. I lost my mood to blog the last 2 big events. THERE'S SO MUCH THINGS WRONG WITH ME. WHAT THE HELL.

I'm fucking PISSED at my self. It's disgusting. EVERYTHING I'M DOING.

IS.

TOTALLY.

WRONG.

There is no RIGHT thing that I'm doing. I'M A FUCKING FAILURE.

1. I've caused trouble on someone just because I begged him to smuggle me into an event. IT MAKES ME UNEASY. When I want to apologize to the person in charge, that friend of mine WON'T LET ME. SOMETIMES YOU DON'T NEED TO TAKE THE FALL ON YOU!

2. EXAMS. EXAMS. TESTS. PAPERS. ESSAYS. PRESENTATIONS. GROUP. PROJECTS. QUIZZES. HOMEWORKS. I could be FUCKING OUT OF MY MIND

3. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO SLOW IN REMEMBERING THINGS. I was in Seattle the other day to report myself to the Indonesian embassy. I FORGOT MY FUCKING PHOTO. EVEN THOUGH I REMEMBERED IT BEFORE I WENT. THE HELL.

4. Why do I make wrong decisions. I WALKED TO A FRIEND'S HOUSE, STAYED THERE TILL 5 FUCKING AM. WHY. DO. I. STAY. UNTIL. THAT. LATE. THEY ALSO ALWAYS SMOKE IN THEIR HOUSE. WHY THE HELL DO I SUBJECT MYSELF TO THAT TORTURE.

5. Why am I so fucking careless. WHY DO I LOSE MY BUS PASS? HOW THE HELL. I'M FUCKING DAZED HERE.

6. Why am I so fucking careless. I STILL REMEMBER THE BANK FEES. THEN I MISTYPE MY ACCOUNT NUMBER AND MY DAD TOLD ME I WROTE THE ACCOUNT NUMBER WRONG. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN. I MUST BE FUCKING DELIRIOUS.

7. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY IPOD IT WONT PLAY SONGS.

8. In recent news, I fell asleep on the bus just now. MISSED MY STOP.

9. I LOST MY BUS PASS.

10. WHEN WILL THIS EVER END. GOD. I humbly ask for your help. I beseech YOU. PLEASE HELP ME IN THIS TIME OF TROUBLE.

11. I remember I lose a lot of stuff here. BUS PASS, EARPHONE, etc. I almost can't take it anymore. The burden is so heavy. I feel like breaking down and doing nothing. BUT I CAN'T.

12. Also realization that THERE ARE SO MANY MORE ACTIVE AND MORE TALENTED PEOPLE AND SMARTER PEOPLE THAN I AM THAT ARE LIABLE TO GET SCHOLARSHIPS. WHAT THE HELL. HOW AM I NOT DEPRESSED BY THE THOUGHT THAT I CAN'T HELP MY FAMILY.

Things are fucking me over. And over. And over. And over.

I just wish this will all stop. FUCKING SPRING BREAK.